One of the world’s biggest and best music festivals, Glastonbury is a party of absolutely gargantuan proportions. Around 200,000 people flock to Worthy Farm – a site roughly the size of Bristol city center – and the fun to be had is virtually limitless.
With over 100 stages to choose from across the festival, and countless ways to pass the time between bands, it can understandably be overwhelming to be the first at Glastonbury – but fear not, we’ve got your back. you.
From the obvious (think of your tent, and for the love of all that’s holy, take a loo roll with you wherever you go) to the incredibly niche hacks we’ve learned along the way, these are the tips and tricks to helping you through most of the festival.
To keep up with
Did we mention that Glastonbury is already huge? Therefore, you will absolutely get lost along the way – and for the most part, we recommend that you embrace the journey.
Who knows what you will encounter along the way? However, if you’re in a hurry to get somewhere, the Old Railway is your best friend, especially later in the evening when your navigation skills are… somewhat diminished.
The disused track runs right through the center of the festival, so if you’re in doubt, head here, trust the colorful signage and get off once you’re back in the loop. El Hunt
Beware of the long drop loos
Glastonbury has all kinds of toilets to choose from: men’s urinals, women’s urinals, compost toilets and the rare and elusive luxury portaloo. The most common variant, however, is the long drop: an open-air cabin with salon-style doors and a cheerful green paint job.
How should you formulate this subtly? When the revelry starts late at night, this variety of toilets takes a dystopian turn, and the floor can get a little… well, you won’t want to put anything down.
My advice? There’s not much you can do about it when you’re in the middle of the grounds, but forewarned has two arms. Oh, and use the metal latch as a makeshift bag/coat hanger, and whatever you do, don’t look down. EH
Carry toilet roll… everywhere
Look, just trust us on this one. EH
Buy some cheap food
You’ve forgotten about living with limp, greasy burgers: Glastonbury has some of the best festival food, and it’s possible to eat like a king. Name a cuisine and chances are you can find it at Worthy Farm. That said, there are three meals a day – so keep an eye out for the festival’s affordable £6 meal deal. The Hare Krishna Tent, near BBC Introducing, offers free vegetarian meals to all visitors, and you can join in with some chants and songs as you dine in style. The permaculture areas – and the various vegetarian restaurants dotted around the Green Fields – are also a good choice for some cheap eats. EH
First night fireworks
Want to get up early to claim the best camping spots at the festival? Don’t miss Wednesday’s opening ceremony. Along with some weird and wonderful processions (the best of the bunch takes place in the Healing Fields, around 4pm) the main attraction has to be Glastonbury’s huge bonfire and fireworks. Head to the hills, find a spot around Tipi Village, Stone Circle or the huge slope behind the park area and enjoy the incredible views with a can – it all starts after dark, around 10pm. EH
Skip the heavy bags
Can’t face the thought of having to carry a weekend’s supplies through the festival gates? Good news: There’s a co-op on site that will sell you a variety of amenities (for a huge markup, of course). Put your alcohol in a plastic bottle and take it from home. Then head to the store for some mixers once you’re in sight; there are usually bottles of Coke and cans of Sprite available. And of course there are Pot Noodles for those who want to save on food. Vicky Jessop
Pack your Tiger Balm
The least fun part of the festival is undoubtedly braving the long descents. But when nature calls and there are queues for the compost toilets stretching into the hills, there is no other option. Put some Tiger Balm or Vick’s vapor rub in your bag and rub it under your nose to keep the worst odors at bay. Get in, get out – and enjoy the rest of your day. Also useful for healing mysterious bruises. Abha Shah
And your Bluetooth trackers
WiFi is notoriously sketchy at Worthy Farm, especially once the headliners finish and the networks become clogged as some 200,000 people frantically text to find their friends. Instead, invest in Bluetooth trackers and plant them with your friends. Most have a key ring hole that you can string and wear as a necklace. They work by using other phones to send location updates to your mobile, and most have a range of around 400 feet. Perfect for pinpointing your friends in the middle of a crowded crowd without draining your battery. IF
Peace out
When the crowds become too much or you can no longer tolerate the sun/heat/mud, you can always retreat to the Peace Garden. Located next to the Stone Circle, this is a quiet space with plenty of room to hang out with friends or take a quiet nap between acts. It’s much better than trying to get back to your field on the offensive line. Besides, you didn’t spend $300 to sit in your tent, right? IF
Don’t go too hard and too early
Pace yourself, at least a little. Worthy Farm is big – very big. Shuttling between stages all day gets tiring, especially over an entire weekend. Accept that you won’t see absolutely everyone you want, and enjoy what you do catch. Setting your own pace also applies to parties – it’s probably not worth worrying so much on Thursday that your crippling hangover ruins the next day’s music. At the same time, it’s good to have fun. Robbie Griffiths
Lock up your wines
So you’ve made it safely into Glastonbury, a rickety trolley shaking under the weight of seven boxes of Savvy B and a case of cider. What now? Well, if you want to feel incredibly smug about your life choices days later when you run out of booze on the way to the NYC Downlow, spend a few hours beforehand tactically distributing your stuff among some of the 14 lockups of the festival.
The lock-ups are open 24 hours a day and are run by volunteers from the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament groups, Birmingham Friends of the Earth and the Brighton Peace and Environment Centre. They take care of all the valuables and are completely free to use (although you can donate to the various charities to say thank you). Oh, and because they’re literal saints, the lockups also hand out free toilet rolls. EH
And finally… don’t think about it too much
While it’s obviously a good idea to go to Glastonbury fully prepared, with your highlighted clash finder in hand, there is such a thing as too much preparation.
If none of the headliners take your fancy one night, skip the main stages altogether and go on an adventure: from underground piano bars and super-secret sets in train carriages to an entire disco hidden in a portaloo, there’s limitless ridiculousness on tap at every turn.
A few hours free between the bands? Wander vaguely towards one of the stranger areas, and just see what happens. You’ll be chatting like a weathered Glastonbury veteran about your new favorite hidden gem in no time.