I had never been to Ibiza before. I’d heard of it, of course, but that’s exactly why I’d avoided the place. I don’t like clubbing or thong bikinis, which means I definitely don’t like clubbing in a thong bikini. “Oh, but the north side of the island is beautiful!” Ibiza lovers say when you tell them that you would rather go on holiday to Alcatraz than to the island of their choice, but I have always managed to resist the urge. Until Rolls-Royce decided to launch its new Cullinan in Ibiza, and then I decided that maybe I could take a trip there after all.
If you live in Miami or Mayfair, you may have seen a few Cullinans walking around. The 2.7-ton beast, also known as the Rolls-Royce SUV, was launched in 2018 after several other upmarket carmakers – Bentley, Lamborghini, Maserati – launched their SUVs. Rolls-Royce came in with the biggest, heaviest and most expensive of them all, which is one of the reasons it’s named after the world’s largest diamond.
Sadly, of course, South Africa has now asked for the diamond back, and if you had to come up with a more contemporary parable, I’m not sure you could improve on the story of how an extremely luxurious car came to be named after a large diamond. , only to have the diamond repatriated. Yet it remains the Cullinan and nicely illustrates how the Rolls-Royce customer has changed in recent decades.
Think back for a moment. The Duke of Windsor had a Rolls-Royce Phantom, as did Noel Coward. Nancy Astor used to be driven to the Houses of Parliament in a red one. Marg of Arg, the infamous Duchess of Argyll, smoked and picked up young male hitchhikers in hers. Lots of room in the back, you see.
Who has a Cullinan today? Well, the rapper Drake has a custom one, with the words “F-you” etched into its silver rims. Fellow rapper 50 Cent has another one. Model Kylie Jenner has one with bubblegum pink chairs. Even Spider-Man, or the young actor Tom Holland, has equipped himself with a Cullinan.
And they’re largely all in the front, because while fifteen years ago 80 percent of Rolls were driverless and only 20 percent self-driving, now it’s the exact opposite: 80 percent are driven and 20 percent are driven by Aloysius or something like that.
And the Cullinan has become the most sought-after of them all: the fastest-selling model in Rolls-Royce history and a status symbol constantly referenced in rap songs. “I want the money, the cars, the clothes, the hoes, draping my body in gold, Cullinan Rolls, life on the road,” for example, is a lyric drawled by a guy named Prynce Greedy, who I suspect is is not a real man. Prince.
The average age of a Rolls-Royce owner is now a relatively youthful 43 (in 2010 it was 56) and two-thirds of those buying a Cullinan are new to the brand. Also new money, rather than old money, I say without any resentment, because what a pleasure it is to have any money at all these days, especially a reserve of £275,000, which the new Cullinan starts with.
This is all why the 4×4 is being launched in Ibiza instead of, say, off-roading in the Brecon Beacons. Because Ibiza, experts emphasize, has also undergone a kind of metamorphosis in recent decades – from hippie, boho meeting place to hardcore club mecca, to destination for UHNWIs. Or ultra-high-net-worth individuals, if you were lucky enough never to encounter that hideous acronym.
I say new Cullinan. Unless you’re a rapper who sings about it, or a car nerd, you’d be hard-pressed to tell the difference from the original version. The engine is the same (a 6.75-liter V12, if you want to brag) and there are only subtle tweaks to the exterior. Let’s call it a facelift. The wheels on the Cullinan II are an inch larger, which is useful if you want the swear words on them to be more prominent. The front fascia has been redesigned, with daytime running lights that curve around the bonnet, designed to make it appear (even) wider.
They’ve also reshaped some of the front panels to resemble a boat cutting through water, says head of exterior design Juliana Blasi, who goes on to explain that the bumper has also been tweaked, “really increasing the presence of the rear end.” end”. For some reason this reminds me of Kim Kardashian, who may also have a Cullinan.
In short, it still looks extremely large and extremely expensive from the outside, and certainly not something to try and get in the place closest to the entrance to Waitrose.
But come on, what does the inside look like? Because it’s the inside that’s the exciting part when it comes to Rolls-Royce. For me anyway. Rolls-Royce is known for its customization and the hidden umbrella located in each passenger door is now standard. But you can get much more specific than that. Cigar fan? There could be a humidor in the glove compartment. Chess obsessive like one of his Chinese clients? Chessboard in the armrest, no problem.
In 1925, the Maharaja of Kota ordered his Phantom with mounted guns and searchlights for tiger hunting. Nowadays you can have special compartments built for your cartridges, matching RR collars and leashes for your dog, built-in picnic baskets, and the exact constellation of the day your child was born peppered into the roof of the car like little lights.
I sit in the back and play with all the buttons like a demented toddler. You lower a small table onto the back of the passenger seat to reveal a TV screen, which would be useful if you’re a rapper who has kids and needs to put on clothes Peppa Pig. Another reveals a crystal decanter and two glasses in the armrest, which can also be very useful if there are children in the back watching Peppa Pig.
There’s a new glass screen behind the passenger seats and the trunk is designed, I’m told, so that no one in the car has to feel a draft on their neck for even a second when the trunk lid is opened. No annoying journey for Rolls-Royce owners. You feel completely trapped here. Of wind. From noise. From music beef. Of the complexities and demands that come with dictating a country.
If you don’t want leather seats that are as soft as the inside of a calf, you can opt for a new, durable bamboo fabric, inspired by the bamboo forest of Sir Henry Royce’s winter home on the Côte d’Azur. Car companies have been developing more sustainable fabrics for some time: coconut fiber seats or old fishing net, sir? – but I’ve never seen material that’s convincingly chic. Why would you choose a Cullinan and choose the seats to look like those of my 1.0-litre Volkswagen Polo? I would stick with leather.
I take off my shoes and climb into the driver’s seat, which is probably not a habit most Rolls owners or drivers would engage in. An ex and I once argued about my barefoot driving habit. It’s not illegal. For reference: Article 97 of The highway code tells you to wear “clothes and shoes.” [which] don’t prevent you from using the controls properly,” and I drive just fine without shoes, thank you very much. And anyway, if you keep your shoes on, you won’t get the full experience of the soft, lambswool floor mat with padded pockets for your heels to rest on. No part of the body is overlooked in a Rolls-Royce.
The dashboard has also been spruced up, digitized and equipped with a flat screen, although there is a reassuring Lady Penelope (from Thunderbirds fame, not a real socialite) nod, with an analogue clock embedded in the display above a small statue of that Rolls-Royce sprite, the Spirit of Ecstasy.
As for the drive, look, you’re in a Rolls-Royce, so it’s ridiculously smooth and powerful, and depending on the demands of your bottom you can have heated seats, cool seats or massage seats.
But as mentioned, this car is big. Quite big for narrow, winding Ibiza roads, I’d say, as I creep around a corner, come to a roundabout and take the wrong exit because I’m nervous driving something so gigantic. Not clumsy after all. I’m spinning around in a dusty parking garage and I’m really surprised by how agile it is, thanks to the rear-wheel steering. If you find yourself in a tight spot in a Waitrose car park, getting out should be a cinch.
But then size is the point. The Cullinan’s hull and grandeur leave people gaping, even in a place as dazzling as Ibiza. It may not be as elegant as other Rolls-Royce models, but that’s not the intention. It is designed to be seen and noticed at a time when being seen and noticed is commonplace. If that’s what you’re looking for in a car, you can’t do better. You will be looked at in real life and photos of your car will be posted on TikTok. That’s what it’s all about for the new generation of Rolls-Royce customers.