Three years ago this week, Ben Foakes suffered an innocent slip in the Surrey dressing room, which had a profound impact on the life and career of James Bracey.
Foakes was left out of the two-Test series against New Zealand and, with Jos Buttler and Jonny Bairstow getting time for the IPL, Bracey was selected to make his debut as a wicketkeeper-batsman. Gloucestershire’s Bracey had spent much of the previous year with England sides in bio-secure bubbles, both at home and in India, and was in contention for a place in a failing top three, as well as with the gloves.
It was a dream that quickly turned into a nightmare, and one that took almost three years to “get over.”
The trouble started before he was even presented with his cap. Bracey regrets thinking “the next opportunity wouldn’t present itself immediately” due to his status as a substitute.
“I took that as two games where I had to do as much as I could and wanted to make a case that even if I do well, I probably won’t be in the team for India anyway,” he says. “I almost talked myself out of it and put even more pressure on myself.”
His first two innings, at Lord’s and Edgbaston, both produced ducks, before he made eight in his third and final strike.
“I didn’t mind the first one, I was done with good bowling by Tim Southee,” said the 27-year-old Telegraph Sports. “But it made me nervous for my second innings, and I came out with a bad shot [edging to Trent Boult third slip]. After that I was very flat, a bit desperate. I put so much pressure on myself, knowing I had one last chance to impress. I played a nice pull shot and then got out while trying to paddle, which just wasn’t something I did in that situation. In three innings I had completely moved away from what got me there.”
Bracey was stung by criticism of his custody. He dropped one catch, but while not Foakesian, “he didn’t think it was terrible”.
“The reaction was the hardest,” he says. “You cannot prepare for the audit. You know it’s there, you know it’s coming, but you can’t prepare for it. The two matches I played went poorly, but I was not prepared for how that would be perceived by the public and what consequences it would have for me. I could see everywhere that I was really struggling, and I felt like it was because I was a really bad player. That’s how I understood it.”
A few days after the second Test, Bracey was back with his county for a T20 against Middlesex at Radlett. He was left off the team.
“I had been in and out of our T20 team but when I was told I wasn’t playing it hit me really hard,” he says. “We had a strong team and I understood it, but it hurt that I had gone from Test cricket back to county cricket and couldn’t even get into the team. It felt like a low point.”
Bracey kept things together that year and, as a specialist batsman at No. 3, scored a fine hundred for England Lions against Australia A in Brisbane that winter. But as time passed, his desperate desire to get back into the national system consumed him, resulting in diminishing returns.
He says: “I found myself walking up to the wicket, really scared to get out. I know this isn’t unique, everyone has had it. But that’s not what you want as a professional. I just struggled with a real lack of confidence in my own ability to score points.
“It’s not that I didn’t like the game, I will always love it. But it didn’t give me as much pleasure as usual, and I became very down on myself.
“I got frustrated when I got out, when I was training and things weren’t going well, everything. A little process to help me deal with those better things means I stick with it consistently, which is great.
“I discovered that my mental health was directly linked to cricket. It is certainly caused by that; the overwhelming pressure I put on myself to go out and do well was difficult to deal with when I didn’t. That was difficult because you can’t go out every week and score them. I didn’t help myself.
“But probably the most damaging thing for me was coming home. I have great support from my family and my now fiancé. They were great, but I came home and it affected my communication with them. They did everything they could to support me, but I became frustrated and angry with myself about cricket and my results there. So it came across that I was angry at them, and that was what I hated most about it, what affected that side of my life.
“It made it hard for my partner, hard for me, and it made it even harder the next time I got on the field because I was annoyed that I hadn’t made any runs, but I was also irritated with the way I was going with people had spoken I love it, and felt guilty about it.
What a move from James Bracey to sack Joe Root
It’s the second time Zaman Akhter has taken his wicket this round! pic.twitter.com/WDhK5aFU9x
— Vitality County Championship (@CountyChamp) April 14, 2024
“And as a senior player at Gloucs I became emotional and frustrated, and that put a dampener on the team, and that’s not what you need from your senior players.”
Bracey believes he is lucky that the coaches at Gloucestershire – first Dale Benkenstein and then Mark Alleyne – have shown a lot of confidence, saying they “probably believed in me more than I believed in myself”. In 2022 he averaged 27 and in 2023 only 22, the first time in his career without a hundred. He sought help, first from the Professional Cricketers’ Association’s player development manager for Gloucestershire, Martin Cropper, and then through Sporting Chance, the company founded by former Arsenal midfielder Tony Adams, which works with the PCA to provide mental health support. Most of all, he says, he’s learned to open up to his teammates about how he’s feeling.
To help on the field, Bracey lowered the order to No. 5, which provides a welcome break between batting and holding, and studied his game closely with his brother, who has played for Gloucestershire’s second team. He tried to make changes that would get him back to where he was before his Test debut this winter in Perth, which helped him ‘reset’. He and his partner spent four months there and he played for the University of WA Cricket Club.
“It was nice to come over, relax for a bit, play some good cricket, work on my game but also concentrate on enjoying it,” he says.
It helped him regain his form. He averages 49 for a Gloucestershire team who recently recorded their first win since 2022.
“I’m through it,” he says. “I started the season quite well. I’m doing my part again.
“I can see it now for what it was. I played Test cricket, which is great. I’m so glad I was lucky enough to do that. I look back on it now with pride, rather than disappointment. I look at it for the performance I achieved, rather than the bad two tests I had. It took a while, but whether I play Test cricket again or not, I look back on it with pride.”