Christmas is just around the corner. The goose is getting fat. The last round of matches in the Premier League was proof of competence. Everything (Manchester City excepted) went as conventional wisdom said it should, based on form and results. There was no Real VAR controversy of note. Mikel Arteta received a yellow card on the touchline. What now, snow on Christmas Day?
The obvious exception was the abandonment of Bournemouth versus Luton Town after Luton captain Tom Lockyer went into cardiac arrest. Lockyer is still in hospital at the time of writing.
There are no trophies awarded at this stage of the season, but there were plenty of winners and losers from Matchweek 17.
Cliche of the week
According to the masses, Liverpool would win at a canter. That it wouldn’t match last year’s 7-0 mark would be the only surprise. There was something inevitable about the way the goalless draw was played.
The more pressing issue is that even the most watched match in the Premier League – which attracts up to 600 million people worldwide – cannot deliver Postmates’ vibrant entertainment to your door. Blockbuster matchups should produce blockbuster games. But this time of year is brutal. Players must recover and play while trying to avoid the lurking ghost of a torn hamstring. Liverpool’s expected goals xG of over 2.50 suggests they were unlucky not to win against United, but the match was littered with lethargy. It was a celebratory cornucopia of missed and skipped passes, shots from distance and bad decisions at key moments – a combined 181 failed passes in the entire game tell the tale.
Players at this level cannot perform at their best every time they take the field, especially at this demanding time of year. Anfield offered another sobering reminder on Sunday.
Goal of the week
This isn’t exactly a high bar this week. So let’s hand the prize over to a goal that wasn’t. Mykhailo Mudryk’s first-half try against Sheffield United was set up by a sublime display of touchline skill from the Ukrainian, but he almost conceded a throw-in from his resulting effort.
There’s something about long shots that almost hit corner flags that makes fans feel deeply ashamed. They carry with them the atmosphere of dark family secrets and indescribable sadness.
Unfortunately, Mudryk now bears the brunt of the humiliation at Stamford Bridge. Mudryk, one of the princes of Todd Boehly’s plot to revolutionize team building in the Premier League by handing out ever-larger contracts that can be written off (a term meaning that the cost of a transfer is spread over the term of a player’s contract, but that should leave you in casual conversation over a Pale Ale to show you Real know your stuff), has become the poster child for Chelsea’s struggles under Boehly. Care to guess where Mudryk ranks among the forwards and midfielders this season in xGChain, a measure of a player’s creative involvement? 143rd! Only fourteen eligible players in the Premier League have had less impact on the ball this season. Mudryk is behind players such as Pelly Ruddock Mpanzu, James McAtee and Will Hughes this season. The difference? Mudryk cost Chelsea $112 million; Mpanzu, McAtee and Hughes cost $7 million combined. Oof.
His long-term effort against Sheffield United could be the bottom line, even though he still has seven years left on his contract. We should all laugh a little more and appreciate the humility of the idiosyncratic effort. After all, one goes in anyway.
Nicholas Lyndhurst award for scene stealing
“Be careful, because he will steal every scene he can,” Kelsey Grammer told the Guardian in an interview earlier this month. Grammarly featured Nicholas Lyndhurst, who plays Professor Alan Cornwall in the new reboot of Frasier. But he could just as easily have been discussing Newcastle’s Lewis Miley.
On a day where new and recurring injuries, a much-needed win, the sublime Bruno Guimarães and a red card could all have headlined Newcastle’s 3-0 win over Fulham, Miley was a scene-stealer in her own right. The 17-year-old became the youngest ever Premier League goalscorer to put his team ahead. He assisted a goal by creating two chances, generating four ball recoveries and completing 14 of 18 last-third passes, in addition to surpassing counter-pressing (six) in his substitute appearance. It is his stature, poise and ability to find space between lines that give him the look of someone well past such tender years.
Statistic of the week
If Crystal Palace’s two shots on target for two goals at the Etihad Stadium come as no surprise, the fact is that they finished with a higher xG (1.66 to 1.62) than Manchester City should be. City’s lack of ruthlessness is becoming a problem for Pep Guardiola. His team is outperforming their total of 40 goals so far this season on xG by 1.74. Last season they had also reached 40 this time, but performed better with 9.26.
Of course, like most City problems, this is a first world problem. But this weekend’s draw shows what happens when you might need an extra touch of magic, on top of the already established excellence. Alternatively, with 15 minutes to go you simply can’t concede twice. Both points are equally relevant.
“And I took that personally” award
For the second game in a row, Richarlison featured for Tottenham with a goal in the team’s 2–0 win over Nottingham Forest. The Brazilian is a strange phenomenon. He is simultaneously the most and least vintage, number nine striker in the league. He is physically adept and seemingly welcomes contact from defenders, but returns to theatrics and play-acting at the first opportunity. There is plenty to say about his play: his pressing is exemplary (average 19.11 per 90 minutes); his xG assist is a modest 0.12 per game. And it’s worth noting that he’s rarely employed through the center for Spurs. But ultimately, goals will be the best response to his critics. That’s what Richarlison has delivered over the past two games, turning into a walking Michael Jordan meme, the embodiment of the man who took it personally. And it’s when he plays with that kind of prove-them-wrong, edge-of-the-edge anger that he’s at his best.
Annoying FPL hipster award for transfer of the week
Me, I’m the guy who buys skin contact wine for Christmas lunch. Stocking my tree Actreryx goodies and rare vinyl from the b-side jazz scene of the 70s. I’m also the man who persevered with West Ham’s talisman, Lucas Paquetá, who picked up fourteen Fantasy Premier League points for his hat-trick of assists against Wolves on Sunday. In these uncertain times with Erling Haaland unavailable, points need to be taken from other places, and Paquetá has once again shown that his quality goes well beyond that of a mid-table match. A real difference maker when I needed him most.
Paddy Pimblett vs Tony Ferguson mismatch award
I know little to nothing about UFC. I actually know “PaddyThe Baddy”. But I went through Pimblett-Ferguson to make a point about James Milner, a Premier League stalwart who exudes honesty and grit, who has to toil for an afternoon against Arsenal’s exuberant winger Bukayo Saka.
It was a vintage setup: Milner, the aging, battle-hardened slogger versus Saka, the young, dashing local hero. Both cross-sport highlight reels can be just as difficult to watch as the other. There are hard blows and one torturous sideline leads to the next. Still, both veterans come out of their matchups with incredibly credible optics. For Ferguson, a points decision ultimately decided the match. While Milner can nod to Saka’s zero successful dribbles throughout the hour, he was on the pitch for some kudos. Either way, both fights told the story of a mismatch that will hurt the veterans tomorrow morning.
Turkeys vote for Christmas prize
On Sean Dyche’s return to Burnley, there was a possibility that he had set himself up for a fall. The Everton manager switched to a back-five system after winning their last three Premier League games on aggregate 6-0, using his familiar 4-1-4-1 shape. The change in system was partly due to injuries and partly because Burnley had a set piece xG of 0.39 per match, according to Statsbomb. In the land of shrinking violets, you can equip your team with giants, right? Things could have gone wrong for Dyche and Everton.
Instead, Burnley once again proved to be the crowning achievement of this Premier League season. They radiate naivety under Vincent Kompany. They defend high and static. They print without structure. They may be on an educational journey, a modest undertaking, but the supposed progress and evolution should not look so turgid and laborious. A 2-0 defeat to their former manager could force a chance at style – and if not, a change in the dugout.
Unreliable VAR decision of the week
By VAR standards, this round was relatively painless. Apart from a few offside situations and increasingly reckless challenges, this was one of the quieter weekends full of refereeing influence. Most of the controversy caused by VAR was concentrated in Brentford’s 2–1 defeat at home to Aston Villa. Ben Mee’s red card left Thomas Frank fuming and will be seen as the catalyst for Villa’s comeback.
Praise must be reserved for Unai Emery and his coaching team, tough. Emery’s double swap of Leon Bailey and John Duran for Moussa Diaby and Matty Cash on the hour turned the game around. It was a bold move to switch to three defenders, but Emery’s confidence in an increasingly strong side allowed Villa to freshen up key positions with quality without panicking, ultimately leading to the comeback win. Well done, Emery and the boys. That’s a good process.