Jimmy Kimmel
…about Barbie: “What an achievement to grab a plastic doll that no one liked anymore – you’d have a better chance of my wife buying our daughter a pack of Marlboro Reds than a Barbie doll before this movie. Now Barbie is a feminist icon, thanks to Greta Gerwig, who many thought deserved to be nominated for best director tonight. Wait a second. I know you’re applauding, but you’re the ones who didn’t vote for her anyway. Don’t act like you didn’t have anything to do with this.”
…about Robert Downey Jr. in Oppenheimer: “This is the pinnacle of Robert Downey Jr.’s illustrious career. One of the highest points. [The camera finds Downey Jr, who taps his nose.] Was that also on the nose or a medicine movement you made?
… about Messi, the dog from Anatomy of a Fall: “Messi has an overdose scene… I haven’t seen a French actor eat vomit since Gérard Depardieu.”
…about Emma Stone in Poor Things: “Emma played a grown woman with the brain of a child. Like the lady who gave a rebuttal to the state of the union.”
Related: Viral moments at the 2024 Oscars: John Cena in the buff, Emma Stone’s eye roll and Paul Giamatti’s tears
…about Robert De Niro and Jodie Foster: “In 1976, Jodie Foster was young enough to play Robert De Niro’s daughter. Now she is twenty years too old to be his girlfriend.”
…about the Sat-Aftra strikes: “This long and difficult work stoppage has taught us that this very strange city of ours – as pretentious and superficial as it can be – is at heart a union town. They’re not just a bunch of heavily Botoxed, Hailey-Bieber smoothie-drinking, diabetes-abusing, gluten-sensitive nepo babies with perpetually shivering Chihuahuas. This is a coalition of strong, hardworking, mentally tough American workers; women and men who would 100% certainly die if we so much as touched the handle of a shovel.”
Da’Vine Joy Randolph
…on winning Best Supporting Actress for the Holdovers: “I didn’t think I would do this as a career. I started out as a singer and my mother said to me: ‘Go across the street to that theater department, there is something for you there.’ And I thank my mother for that. … I’ve always wanted to be different for so long. And now I realize that I just have to be myself.”
Sean Ono Lennon
…after winning best animated short film for War Is Over
My mother turned 91 in February and today is Mother’s Day in the UK, so if everyone could please say, “Happy Mother’s Day, Yoko!”
Oscars audience: Happy Mother’s Day, Yoko!
Cord Jefferson
…on winning Best Adapted Screenplay for American Fiction: “There are so many people who want the opportunity I got. I understand that this is a risk-averse industry, I understand that, but $200 million movies are also a risk – and it doesn’t always work out, but you still take the risk. So instead of making one $200 million movie, try making 20 $10 million movies – or 50 $4 million movies. The next Martin Scorsese is there, the next Greta – both Gretas! – the next Christopher Nolan. I promise you. Thank you all for putting your trust in a 40 year old black man who has never directed anything. It changed my life.”
Related: Messi the dog, mini monsters and a naked John Cena: the 2024 Oscars – in pictures
Jonathan Glazer
…on winning best international film for The Zone of Interest: “All of our choices are made to reflect and confront us in the present – not to say ‘look what they did then’, but rather ‘look what we are doing now’. Our film shows what dehumanization leads to in the worst case. It shapes our entire past and present. In this moment, we stand here as men who refute their Jewishness and that the Holocaust has been hijacked by an occupation that has created conflict for so many innocent people; whether it is the victims of October 7 in Israel, or the ongoing attack on Gaza – all victims of this dehumanization. How can we resist?”
Ryan Gosling and Emily Blunt on Barbie versus Oppenheimer
Bone: “Well, the way this awards season has gone, that wasn’t the case That a lot of rivalry. Just let it go.”
Gosling: “It’s true, you’re doing very well, congratulations. But I think I kind of figured out why they called it ‘Barbenheimer’ and not ‘Oppenbarbie’.”
Bone: “Why?”
Gosling: “I think you guys were at the end of the line there because you’ve been riding on Barbie’s coattails all summer.”
Bone: “Thanks for Ken explaining that to me, sir-I-need-to-paint-on-my-abs-to-be-nominated. You don’t see Robert Downey doing that.”
Robert Downey Jr
…on Oppenheimer winning Best Supporting Actor: “I would like to thank my terrible childhood and the academy, in that order. I’d like to thank my vet – I meant wife, Susan Downey, over there – for finding me, a snarling rescue pet, and for loving me back to life. That’s why I’m here… I want to thank my stylist in case no one else does. And my entertainment lawyer, Tom Hansen, 40 years old – the first half of which he spent trying to get me insured and bail me out of the hoosegow. Thank you brother.”
Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito
DeVito: “How did Batman beat you?”
Schwarzenegger: “He used my only weakness against me.”
DeVito: “Heat?”
Schwarzenegger: “Love.”
DeVito: “Oh. He threw me out the window.”
Schwarzenegger: ‘Batman is an asshole. I hate him.”
Mstyslav Chernov
… about winning the best documentary for 20 days in Mariupol: “This is the first Oscar in Ukrainian history. And I’m honored, I’m honored. But I will probably be the first director on this stage to say: I wish I had never made this film. I want to be able to trade this for Russia never attacking Ukraine, never occupying our cities… for Russia not killing tens of thousands of my fellow Ukrainians. I wish that they release all the hostages, all the soldiers who protect their country, all the civilians who are now in their prisons.
“I can’t change history. I can’t change the past. But together we are among the most talented people in the world. We can ensure that history is set right, and that the truth will prevail. And that the people of Mariupol and those who gave their lives will never be forgotten. Because cinema shapes memories, and memories form history.”
John Mulaney
…with the best sound design: “Some people say that the era of silent films is the golden age of cinema. Those people are difficult and insane… What about that moment in Field of Dreams when we hear, “If you build it, he will come”? And then Costner does it, he builds a baseball field. But I guess he doesn’t build it, he mows the corn and then there’s a field and then he says, ‘I’m going to watch ghosts play baseball.’ And then the bank says: ‘Do you want to pay your mortgage?’ and he says, ‘No, I’m going to see ghosts play baseball.’ And then he finds James Earl Jones, who wrote The Boat Rocker – which I thought was a real book when I was in my twenties – and he says, “People will come, Ray.” He’s the only one with a financial plan… I love Field of Dreams. That should win best photo! But they’ll probably go for one this year. Here are the nominees.”
Billie Eilish
…on winning best original song for What Was I Made For?: “I want to thank my best friend Zoe for playing Barbie with me growing up and being by my side forever. I want to thank my dance teachers growing up. I want to thank my choir teachers – Mrs Freedham, for believing in me, and Mrs T, you didn’t like me, but you were good at your job.”
Nic Cage
…to Paul Giamatti: “This past year, Paul Giamatti was so dedicated that to ensure the character had a lazy eye, he wore a soft contact lens during the entire shoot, which caused him to go blind in that eye during filming. Would I have done that? Of course. But the point is: you did it, Paul! And you were brilliant again. Bravo!”
Cillian Murphy
…on Oppenheimer winning best actor: ‘I am a very proud Irish man standing here tonight. We made a film about the man who created the atomic bomb and we all live in Oppenheimer’s world, so I would like to dedicate this film to the peacemakers around the world.”
Christopher Nolan
…on Oppenheimer winning best picture: “Movies are just over 100 years old. Imagine spending 100 years there painting or theater. We don’t know where this incredible journey goes from here, but to know that you think I am a meaningful part of it means the world to me.
Emma Stone
…after winning Best Female Actor for Poor Things: ‘My dress is torn. I think it happened during I’m Just Ken. I’m pretty sure. Oh boy, this is really overwhelming. Sorry, my voice is kind of gone too… Don’t look at the back of my dress.’
Jimmy Kimmel
…about Donald Trump: After reading almost verbatim a negative review of Kimmel’s hosting posted on Trump’s Truth Social page:
‘Thanks for looking. I’m surprised you’re still here. Isn’t your prison sentence over?’