Super Bowl 2024: What you need to know about the game (and everything else)

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The Super Bowl takes place on Sunday, and if you’re like millions of people around the world, you’re probably wondering: When can I watch it, and how?

But is that all you really need to know? What about those absurd right-wing conspiracy theories circulating on social media, and will Taylor Swift be able to make it all the way from Tokyo? How much would it cost you to place a small ad during the game? Read on for all the answers…

Who’s playing in the Super Bowl?

This year’s Super Bowl – or Super Bowl LVIII (that’s Super Bowl 58 if you’re not a Roman legionary) – will take place between the Kansas City Chiefs and the San Francisco 49ers.

The Chiefs are the closest thing to a dynasty the NFL currently has: thanks in no small part to their brilliant quarterback Patrick Mahomes, they have reached the Super Bowl in four of the past five seasons.

If they win on Sunday, they will have claimed the title three times. Their opponents, the San Francisco 49ers, were just as dominant in the 1980s, capturing the Super Bowl four times but haven’t won since the 1994 season.

Where will it be played?

Allegiant Stadium, home of the Las Vegas Raiders, who did not make the playoffs and last won the Super Bowl in the 1983 season when they were based in Los Angeles.

Will Sin City be a fun location for a game that’s an excuse for a days-long party? Yes! Is it an appropriate location considering that the NFL – and many of its broadcast partners – recently sold their souls to big-time gambling? Certainly.

When do the 49ers and Chiefs kick off?

Kick-off is at 3:30 PM local time, which is 6:30 PM on the US east coast, 11:30 PM in Britain and 10:30 AM on Monday in Sydney.

And where can I watch or stream it?

Well, you can watch it live at the stadium even though it’s sold out and the cheapest tickets start at around $5,500 on resale sites.

CBS is the main broadcaster in the US this year and will also show the game on children’s channel Nickelodeon – with lots of slime and TikTok dances (actually much better than it sounds) and Spanish-language network Univision.

In the UK the game can be seen on ITV1 and Sky Sports and in Australia you can watch it on the Seven Network.

What about the fact that the game is a deep state plan to deprive Donald Trump of the presidency?

Well, as you may have heard if you live within 60 billion miles of Earth, Taylor Swift is dating one of the Chiefs’ star players, Travis Kelce.

This has spawned a thousand thoughts in the liberal media about whether this will attract young women to football (millions of them already liked it!) and what the Chiefs’ upside-down Cover 2 defense says about the state of the modern masculinity (a lot of!). Still the US, right? Hoo boy.

Let’s turn it over to Jack Lombardi, a right-wing influencer who ran unsuccessfully for the Republican Congress in 2022 and is not happy that Swift has previously supported Democrats or that Kelce ever appeared in an ad for the Covid shot.

‘I’ve never been more convinced that the Super Bowl was tampered with’ wrote Lombardi on X after the Chiefs defeated the Ravens to reach the big game. With all the unnecessary and unwanted Taylor coverage during the games. KC’s journey to the Super Bowl – completely scripted. Next…Travis and Taylor together at the Super Bowl, looking happy and in love. Then KC wins. And then later announce their support for Biden.”

So there you go: put your money on the Chiefs to win and Biden to romp home in the presidential election. However, only one of those results would go unchallenged.

However, I had heard that Taylor Swift might not even be at Sunday’s game?

When she’s not working as a deep state psy-op, Swift is the biggest pop star in the world and will perform in Tokyo on Saturday, the day before the Super Bowl. But don’t be afraid, she can make the play if she flies to the play in her private jet (so she’s not one of those liberals with a bleeding heart).

Related: You need to calm down: Taylor Swift can fly from Tokyo to Super Bowl on time, Japanese embassy says

Who are the players to watch?

Perhaps the most talented player to ever grace the NFL, Mahomes is always worth watching thanks to his brilliant arm, football smarts and the fact that he sounds like Kermit the Frog when he barks orders. But this year was a relatively down year for Mahomes due to the fact that the Chiefs opted to surround him on offense with the ever-reliable Kelce and a few guys they found near the stadium before the game.

Related: What the NFL’s final four can teach the rest of the league

Their defense, on the other hand, is brilliant and smothered the Ravens’ high-powered offense in last month’s AFC Championship Game. The San Francisco 49ers quarterback is Brock Purdy, who few predicted would ever start in the NFL, let alone make it to the Super Bowl. Their head coach Kyle Shanahan possesses a genius intellect and has brilliant players like Deebo Samuel, Nick Bosa, Christian McCaffrey and Fred Warner to call upon. That said, they were very lucky to get past the Detroit Lions in their previous game.

I want to promote my new line of Kelce-Swift casual wear, but I don’t have Instagram. Can I pay for an ad on CBS instead?

That’s certainly possible, but an ad will cost you about $7 million for a 30-second spot. You’ll get plenty of eyeballs, though. Last year’s game averaged just over 115 million viewers across all platforms in the US alone.

That should be good for sales. Who’s going to the halftime show?

That would be R&B legend Usher, who must be a little annoyed that he’s now the second most anticipated pop act at this year’s game. Country music star Reba McEntire will sing the national anthem.

How much do the winners get?

Winning players get $164,000 each, while losers get about half of that. Not bad for a few hours of (very painful) work, but probably not much for Mahomes and Bosa, who earned $59.4 million and $51 million respectively this season (Purdy lives on just $870,000, well below the average income in some parts of the country). from San Francisco).

And who will win?

It’s a fairly even matchup: the 49ers have the most talent on their roster, while the Chiefs have the best player (in the NFL) in Mahomes. You can make a strong case for any team, but the Chiefs’ defense, combined with Mahomes’ ability to do otherworldly things when necessary, gives them the slight edge.

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